Retail

Having spent most of my working life in retail in one form or another, I have a theory that I am confident would rid the world of rude, impatient and unreasonable customers. Here's how it would work.

Between the ages of 18 and 21 everyone would be required by law to work one fourth-quarter and one first-quarter in a retail capacity. Concurrently of course. There would be no point in working during the holidays if one didn't work during the merchandise return season. Most people who've never worked retail just don't understand it.

Sales quotas, scheduling, returns... with and without a receipt, ugh... stupid managers and executives who hand down rules without ever setting foot on the sales floor. It's a world all it's own.

Most shoppers don't understand that the clerk standing there ringing up their sale doesn't make the rules. That's key to understanding retail. To tell that person how stupid you think the store policy is makes no sense. IF she/he had control over store policy they wouldn't be waiting on you at 7 AM on a holiday weekend! HELLO!

Yes, we know your mother always shops for the highest quality merchandise and never buys on sale. The fact remains, Sak's won't take back a blouse with a Jacqueline Smith label from Kmart. No receipt for those Vera bulletproof, double knit pants ~ no problem ~ BUT, you will only get refunded the lowest sale price of $ 2.80. Yes, we know it originally sold for $40, but without a receipt... store policy you know. One of my all time favorites... when returning a coffee maker you're going to claim you never used, throw out the used grounds and wash it first.

Telling the dumbest cashier in the store how stupid they are won't exactly make them an expert simply because you pointed out their short comings now will it? I've managed, opened, closed, inventoried and scheduled. Managing presents a special set of obstacles. It mostly boils down to the theory a warm body is a warm body. One hears many creative excuses ... most are lies naturally, but you make the best of it. It also helps if you stoop to a lower level and talk badly about the absent employee you know thinks you totally bought their excuse. The next time the employee reports for work, you put on your most concerned face and ask how the abortion went. (Honest to God, I had an employee who used that one!)

We encountered the worst cashier in the history of the world last weekend at Comp USA. No details are required, if you've ever worked retail you know that the REAL dummy is the manager who scheduled this poorly trained woman to man one of only two cash registers open on a Sunday with a major ad in that day's paper. DUH! But, a warm body is a warm body.