Thursday, August 25, 2005

Human Frailties

I'll admit it. I am scared. We've been down this path before but today I am really scared. Maybe it's because every time before has been an emergency and there's been no time to dwell on what's over the horizon. The uncertainty. Not being sure of what's next.

You're not suppose to worry about immortality in your 50's, are you? Eighty is old. Not fifty three. Heart disease sucks. I hate it. And yet, in light of everything that has transpired since that first heart attack in February, we have been relatively lucky. Subsequent visits to the hospital via the emergency room by ambulance have resulted in promising results.

This time we've had a couple of weeks to dwell and ponder, wait and worry. Tomorrow yet another stent will be placed in an artery of my dear husband's heart. I think this is number 8. The what ifs are endless and frightening. I have loving family and a multitude of friends who share my concern. Yet, I feel so alone. Apprehensive and unnerved. I am not good at prayer as I am not sure I truly believe, but if crossing fingers, knees and toes counts - I'm covered.

At o'dark-thirty I'll get up and put on my brave face and accompany him to the hospital. Full of doubt and worry I'll smile, make small talk, reassure and kiss goodbye when they make me leave the procedure area... then, I'll make my way to that cold waiting room where I'll sit and hope it wasn't the last time....

Did I mention I'm scared?

::soap box::
It's the number one cause of heart disease.


At 9:08 AM, Blogger RED QUILT MAKER said...

I'm down here in the ghetto if you need me.
I've got everything crossed too.

At 11:07 AM, Blogger Nigela said...

I wish you and your husband strength.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger The Blog Whore said...

We both quit smoking, me 8 yrs ago, my husband 7 yrs ago. That is so true and scary. I worry...

At 5:56 PM, Blogger dondon009 said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

At 6:15 PM, Blogger sttropezbutler said...

Waiting to hear! And sending loads of positive thoughts and vibes and it's all crossed as well!


At 10:28 PM, Blogger ConnieJane said...

Long day at ye olde Morton Plant Hospital. Thanks for all the caring thoughts. They worked. Only complication was that they couldn't use the artery in his arm this time and had to go in via the groin. ouch. Staying over tonight and back home tomorrow.

Hopefully this will be the last time!

At 11:32 PM, Blogger annie said...

kind thoughts for you and yours
mortality-who knew?

At 4:59 PM, Blogger abigail said...

wow...i wish you believed in prayer. for believing in crossed objects paints a far blurrier picture to me than the cross does. praying you will one day believe.


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